What three things should every couple strive to agree on?
Are you courting someone with the hope of getting married in the near future? Could you be going through the ‘serious’ phase where there is no turning back, the phase where you are discussing things that lead up to a lifetime commitment? What, then, are the things you must agree on before you publicly commit to a life together? Let’s take a look!
Amos 3:3 “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (NIV)
“It doesn’t matter what he believes in, as long as we love each other.”
Over the years, faith has been one of those things that is greatly overlooked in relationships. Many people, when, in love, feel like faith is the last thing they should be concerned about. Let me quote a couple of statements I have heard over the years…
“We’ve agreed that our different faiths will not interfere with our relationship.”
Do those words sound familiar? Sadly, many dating couples don’t realize how important it is to discuss faith and beliefs. They sweep the topic under the rug, until the time comes for making decisions that are faith-based, and suddenly challenges come up. For example, when kids come along, an uncomfortable discussion on which faith they will follow, and where they will worship usually comes up. If there is a conflict of different faiths, or if the kids choose to follow one partner to his or her place of worship, the other partner in the relationship feels left out. In addition, when one person becomes more committed to his or her faith, the other person may begin to feel ignored and unloved. The question here is, therefore, is this the kind of relationship you would like to have? A simple discussion before you tie the knot is all you need to avoid all the discomfort and uncertainties that may surround the issue of faith in the home.
One more thing – having a common faith in the home keeps the relationship standing strong during adversity. When things are tough, you will be able to encourage one another, pray together, and cry out to God in one voice.
Amos 3:3 “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (NLT)
Can you imagine being with someone with whom you are tugging in different directions for the rest of your life? Well, that is what happens when you do not take time to agree on which direction you will take when married.
The goals that you set as a couple will determine the direction your relationship will follow. For instance, if you both agree that career development and further education are important, when one of you gets a study opportunity or a promotion, it will not come as a surprise. Goals like raising godly children, serving in the church for a number of years, and investing wisely also give direction to a marriage relationship.
Settle on goals for your marriage, and you will most certainly to stay focused even when momentary hiccups come along. Most importantly, growing in the faith as a couple should be your most important goal, as it will influence every other short-and long-term goal you set.
Values are part of us. From the time you are born, certain values are instilled in you by your parents, teachers, siblings and the community around you, values that stay with you most of your life. Should courting couples discuss values? Yes, they should! If you are planning to get married and start a family, it is important to agree on the values you will pass on to your children.
What values are we talking about here? Some examples include faith in God, integrity, honesty, hard work, perseverance, etc. If you would like your kids to grow up in the ways of the Lord, you must model to them how important your personal relationship with God is. If they see you treating your faith in God casually, it is unlikely that they will take the same faith seriously. Remember, the values you teach your children remain with them for a lifetime.
Agreeing on values also helps to unite couples. If both of you value a deep relationship with God, you will work hard to make sure your partner stays close to God in hard times. If you both value hard work, you will encourage each other when difficult tasks come along. Values are the backbone of every relationship!
Faith, direction and values– three crucial issues that you must discuss before tying the knot. I would, however, add that there could be some issues that are unique to your relationship that you may need to talk about. Make sure you lay everything out in the open so that there are no unresolved issues hanging over your heads as you walk down the aisle.
Finally, let me share one of my favorite verses that directly applies to this topic.
Psalm 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” (NLT)
Hi, everyone! As always, I am glad you took the time to read this article. Did you find it helpful? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. Also, don’t forget to share this article with your friends! Blessings – Alison